So, NaNoWriMo has officially started today and I think I started with a bang. 2000 words. It helps that so much of this story is already defined in my head and that I feel I know these characters so well. I wonder if I'm overextending myself this month, giving myself so many projects to work on (some writing-related, most not!). But I guess I will do it as long as I can and I have the energy. I always did work better when I was 1. under deadline and 2. super busy--because then I had to organized my time no matter what and make priorities. I tend to waste so much time doing nothing when I do have time.
Anyway, I did have to break my writing time into two today to write out that first scene--half before D. was up and half after he went to bed. But it was all worth it. And in between and later too, I kept revising and coming up with more things to revise for the novel!
And I'm so wound up with energy, I'm surprising myself! Actually, I love having all this going on! It's making me motivated too to keep going and actually following through on the goals I wrote out for myself this year. Just had to share.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Revising...and new characters intruding in my dreams
So, in the end, I stepped away from the finished draft for a week and have started to revise again. Revision is hard, adding, cutting, rethinking. And I've been taking notes during the writing of things I was sure I was going to revise anyway. AND I revise as I write anyway, so my revisions are actually less than if I would not revise at all. But I've never been able to simply write without revising, so I guess that's a plus.
But here's my surprise, even as I'm completely living in one universe, what happens in my dreams? A new world, new characters enter it so insitently that I had to wake up this morning and begin writing about them too! I'm not sure I'm ready to write the whole story out now, so I took a new notebook just fr it and began writing down those snatches of conversation I witnessed in my dreams and outlining where I think this story wants to go (though I'm sure it'll change as I'm actually writing it). I guess it's true, there more you write, the more you'll want to write. I'm actually thinking maybe I'll try this story for NaNoWriMo afterall. All the possibilities.
But here's my surprise, even as I'm completely living in one universe, what happens in my dreams? A new world, new characters enter it so insitently that I had to wake up this morning and begin writing about them too! I'm not sure I'm ready to write the whole story out now, so I took a new notebook just fr it and began writing down those snatches of conversation I witnessed in my dreams and outlining where I think this story wants to go (though I'm sure it'll change as I'm actually writing it). I guess it's true, there more you write, the more you'll want to write. I'm actually thinking maybe I'll try this story for NaNoWriMo afterall. All the possibilities.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Discipline
It's what I woke up thinking about.
First, there's the discipline you choose to give your children. Recently, a friend shared her view on discipline with us. As her two-year-old + daughter ran around screaming and laughing and generally creating chaos, she laughed and said, "So when I went to sign her up for school, they asked me what kind of discipline we have at home. I just laughed and said, 'Discipline, what discipline? She's two!'" I have to said that said little girl is referred to as a tornado and though we all say it jokingly, there's some truth to the words that we are afraid of her visiting.
So, I worry about how I"m going to shape my own son as he grows. I struggle with schedules for him: eating, napping, bedtime. But he is a pretty well-behaved baby so far. Still, I don't ever want him to be the "tornado" everyone fears a visit from.
But I also woke up thinking about my writing discipline. All those years of having more than enough time to write, to sleep and wake as I pleased, with no little people to be responsible for, and yet, my writing discipline has only developed now, after my son was born, when my time is limited. Ironic. Or maybe I did need to feel time was limited and I had to make time for my writing. Yes, sometimes I skip a day or two with my writing, but overall, I make time write everyday now. I skipped two days this week so what did I do yesterday? I drank a large cup of coffee so that after the baby was asleep, I could stay up writing. And I did so til 3am this morning. Not the best of decisions, of course, since baby is teething and ended up having a bad night and now, with a few hours of unrestful sleep and another large coffee in me, I'm up and doing all the mommy things (and with a semi-cranky baby to boot) and still anxious for tonight to come, when I can sit down for a couple of hours and write.
First, there's the discipline you choose to give your children. Recently, a friend shared her view on discipline with us. As her two-year-old + daughter ran around screaming and laughing and generally creating chaos, she laughed and said, "So when I went to sign her up for school, they asked me what kind of discipline we have at home. I just laughed and said, 'Discipline, what discipline? She's two!'" I have to said that said little girl is referred to as a tornado and though we all say it jokingly, there's some truth to the words that we are afraid of her visiting.
So, I worry about how I"m going to shape my own son as he grows. I struggle with schedules for him: eating, napping, bedtime. But he is a pretty well-behaved baby so far. Still, I don't ever want him to be the "tornado" everyone fears a visit from.
But I also woke up thinking about my writing discipline. All those years of having more than enough time to write, to sleep and wake as I pleased, with no little people to be responsible for, and yet, my writing discipline has only developed now, after my son was born, when my time is limited. Ironic. Or maybe I did need to feel time was limited and I had to make time for my writing. Yes, sometimes I skip a day or two with my writing, but overall, I make time write everyday now. I skipped two days this week so what did I do yesterday? I drank a large cup of coffee so that after the baby was asleep, I could stay up writing. And I did so til 3am this morning. Not the best of decisions, of course, since baby is teething and ended up having a bad night and now, with a few hours of unrestful sleep and another large coffee in me, I'm up and doing all the mommy things (and with a semi-cranky baby to boot) and still anxious for tonight to come, when I can sit down for a couple of hours and write.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Proof That After Five Years I Haven't Adapted to this Country
O: So, things will get better next week with the blackouts.
Me: Yeah? What, they're going to stop?
O: No, they'll continue and probably increase, but at least they'll be scheduled.
Me: And this is better?
O (cheerfully): Yes, at least you'll know when they're coming and you'll be able to plan for them. It was always better when they were scheduled.
Me (confused): I guess...
So this is what life does to you in this country. You being to believe that an improvement to the damned blackouts is more, scheduled blackouts.
Me: Yeah? What, they're going to stop?
O: No, they'll continue and probably increase, but at least they'll be scheduled.
Me: And this is better?
O (cheerfully): Yes, at least you'll know when they're coming and you'll be able to plan for them. It was always better when they were scheduled.
Me (confused): I guess...
So this is what life does to you in this country. You being to believe that an improvement to the damned blackouts is more, scheduled blackouts.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The End is Here!
Yes, that's right. The final chapter of my novel. Not only did I get my direction back in the last few days, I also got my ending. Like the entire chapter! Oh, the novel is not finished, there's still a lot I have to write out, but I wrote the ending. And what an ending! There I was doing my daily 2 mile walk (yup, have been consistent for two weeks now!) and suddenly, I heard it all/saw it all in my head and couldn't wait to sit down and type it out. So as soon as I was done, I started, but only got halfway done before that pesky thing called real life intruded and made me come back to earth and take care of baby, run errands, honor prior commitments, but then finally I was able to sit down in front of the trusty laptop again and write, write, write. And now it's written. And I can go to bed and dream about my story some more (and already I want it to be tomorrow so I can continue typing). It's amazing knowing the end. Becuase that means I also know pretty much everything that's missing. That is, unless my characters decide to play with me and just plain confuse me again. But that won't happen. No, they'll be good this time. :D Oh, I really, literally can say I wrote the end! I'm still celebrating. Of course, there's a ton of work done. Don't care though. :D I think this is still reason to celebrate.
Oh, that's right, and even before I got to write, Dorian decided to show us his brand new tooth. His first, which sprouted overnight (except he's been teething for what feels like months!). Oh, my son is growing soooo fast!
Goodnight!
Oh, that's right, and even before I got to write, Dorian decided to show us his brand new tooth. His first, which sprouted overnight (except he's been teething for what feels like months!). Oh, my son is growing soooo fast!
Goodnight!
Friday, August 28, 2009
The positive side of those annoying blackouts.
I love waking up to this face:
But I hate waking up to no electricity, and not just for a bit, no. For the whole day, practically. And by the time the electricity came back again, around 4pm, I really was in no mood to do anything more than lay around and do nothing! However, in the middle of the blackout, I did get the ending of a chapter that I had been struggling with and finally sat down and wrote it out. Of course, by that time, Dorian was cranky and ñoño, wanting to be carried, wanting to be put on the floor, carried again, crying, sleepy but fighting it, and most of all, going crazy from the humidity and the heat. Okay, and so was I. But somehow, I did write it out (and I really prefer to type my stories) and from finishing this one chapter, that pesky question of where the story was going, somehow got answered for me. Just like that. Should I thank the blackout? I was just sitting there, playing on the floor with Dorian when it came to me. If there had been no blackout, I would have been doing laundry, cleaning, or maybe watching tv, or on the internet or on facebook, all distractions that keep me from writing. But instead, I was just sitting there, trying to keep a cranky baby entertained, and boom! there they were, characters speaking in my head again. So I guess I'll see the positive side to a whole day without electricity in the hottest month of the year no less.
But I hate waking up to no electricity, and not just for a bit, no. For the whole day, practically. And by the time the electricity came back again, around 4pm, I really was in no mood to do anything more than lay around and do nothing! However, in the middle of the blackout, I did get the ending of a chapter that I had been struggling with and finally sat down and wrote it out. Of course, by that time, Dorian was cranky and ñoño, wanting to be carried, wanting to be put on the floor, carried again, crying, sleepy but fighting it, and most of all, going crazy from the humidity and the heat. Okay, and so was I. But somehow, I did write it out (and I really prefer to type my stories) and from finishing this one chapter, that pesky question of where the story was going, somehow got answered for me. Just like that. Should I thank the blackout? I was just sitting there, playing on the floor with Dorian when it came to me. If there had been no blackout, I would have been doing laundry, cleaning, or maybe watching tv, or on the internet or on facebook, all distractions that keep me from writing. But instead, I was just sitting there, trying to keep a cranky baby entertained, and boom! there they were, characters speaking in my head again. So I guess I'll see the positive side to a whole day without electricity in the hottest month of the year no less.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Story Takes Over and Real Life Calls
So, at some point, my characters decided to take over the story and lead it away from my original plans, so it feels like I've lost complete control. It's a moment to stop, read over what I've written so far and see what the compromise can be: where do I want to take it and where do they want to take it? If not, I fear that the story will become that never ending monster, the novel that I'll be writing my whole life because I cannot find a satisfying ending to it. It's exciting, though, to see how alive my characters are. In fact, I spend a lot of time just sitting around when I can't be in front of the computer for uninterrupted writing time, dreaming about them, listening to them, plotting out and developing scenes. Long car rides are particularly good for this, I've found. I always end them desperate to sit at my laptop, typing away. I could practically lose myself in their world, and often do.
But then real life calls me over and reminds me there's more to my life than my make-believe world. And baby boy is already over 8 months old. The books all say, finger foods. So I tried that yesterday. Sat him in his little booster seat, cut up some avocados and let him at them. He loves avocado. I figured it's be great first finger food. I'm sure the floor enjoyed it. And the tray. And my pants. And his arms, chest and face. Everything but his mouth. Dorian proceeded to squeeze the avocado to a nice paste and redecorate. I'm thinking here finger foods are better if the baby actually has teeth. Which Dorian doesn't. Oh, he's been teething for months. But not even a sign of teeth yet! I should have taken a picture, but I was too busy laughing at the mess a baby can make with three little pieces of avocado. And then there's more work cleaning up. But all worth it to see how much fun he was having. I'm even going to repeat it today. Maybe the little pieces of avocado will actually make it to his mouth this time!
But then real life calls me over and reminds me there's more to my life than my make-believe world. And baby boy is already over 8 months old. The books all say, finger foods. So I tried that yesterday. Sat him in his little booster seat, cut up some avocados and let him at them. He loves avocado. I figured it's be great first finger food. I'm sure the floor enjoyed it. And the tray. And my pants. And his arms, chest and face. Everything but his mouth. Dorian proceeded to squeeze the avocado to a nice paste and redecorate. I'm thinking here finger foods are better if the baby actually has teeth. Which Dorian doesn't. Oh, he's been teething for months. But not even a sign of teeth yet! I should have taken a picture, but I was too busy laughing at the mess a baby can make with three little pieces of avocado. And then there's more work cleaning up. But all worth it to see how much fun he was having. I'm even going to repeat it today. Maybe the little pieces of avocado will actually make it to his mouth this time!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
WORDLESS WEDNESDAY @ MOM.DOT
So my backyard is a mess. It's actually more of my husband's work studio and the parts that he hasn't claimed are overgrown with weeds and sharing space with two passionfruit vines grown wild, a huge dead mango tree (horrible landlords poisoned it to kill it!), a guanabana tree and a few plantain trees, plus sand, rocks, etc. But this morning I look out the kitchen window and see this (there was actually a tiny little bird under them when I first looked but the dogs had chased it away by the time I got my camera):
Monday, August 17, 2009
On a roll...
First. Sunday morning baby boy woke up in great mood, playing and clapping and his version of singing. E puts him into his playard, with his toys and what does baby boy do? He ignores all the toys and goes for the one book lying in there. E says, "He really is your son." Yup. Yes he is. :D
Second. I'm really on a productive roll. So proud of myself. Saturday I managed to basically iron all of baby's clothes (and there were a lot as I had accumulated ironing for like weeks!) (Do I have to iron? Yes. We don't have a dryer and the wind dries the baby's clothes kind of wrinkly and feeling stiff--and as much as I generally hate ironing, somehow ironing the baby's clothes it's almost like meditation. I know. Weird.) But not only did I iron on Saturday, I also managed to get us all showered, fed and ready to go to a birthday party on time. On time being the special phrase there because since baby's arrival that has been a major challenge! And then, after the party, when baby finally gave up partying and fell asleep (I'm serious, how does an 8-month old have that much energy?!!!!), I sat in front of my laptop and wrote. Yes, I said WROTE. I worked on the novel uninterrupted til I finished another chapter. Yay!
Third. Sunday was rainy all day. Dark. Windy. A bit cold. Hurricane season has finally arrived, though usually here that just translates into annoying and rainy (hey, I'm thankful for that--I'd rather not live through another hurricane if I can help it). So I planned the baby's 1st birthday party with my mom. Yes, it is almost 4 months away. But, we are planning on making everything ourselves and of course, I'm super ambitious and this is baby's first birthday (which he won't remember at all and can only look at the pictures--but I don't care--it's important to mommy!). I'm actually really excited to start working on all the stuff and hopefully will be buying some of the materials or gathering some (as there's no need to buy all of them) later this week so I can actually move from planning to doing! We even wrote out the guestlist. Well, it was more of my mom taking care of baby and playing with him while I threw out ideas at her and kept annoying her by calling her over the laptop to look at pictures. :D
Fourth. Monday morning. My ex-coworkers went back to work today so I decided to make this my end of summer day too. And I managed to wake up to my alarm (finally--only took like the whole summer!) though I didn't need to as baby alarm was right on time too asking for his milk. Fed the baby, got up and exercised, made a healthy breakfast, watched the news, and then, as baby and E are still sleeping, stole this moment to write this post and play on the internet. Because I have actual work projects to work on the rest of the day and another novel chapter to finish (if baby agrees to give mommy time today).
Anyway, have a great, productive week. I know I will!
Second. I'm really on a productive roll. So proud of myself. Saturday I managed to basically iron all of baby's clothes (and there were a lot as I had accumulated ironing for like weeks!) (Do I have to iron? Yes. We don't have a dryer and the wind dries the baby's clothes kind of wrinkly and feeling stiff--and as much as I generally hate ironing, somehow ironing the baby's clothes it's almost like meditation. I know. Weird.) But not only did I iron on Saturday, I also managed to get us all showered, fed and ready to go to a birthday party on time. On time being the special phrase there because since baby's arrival that has been a major challenge! And then, after the party, when baby finally gave up partying and fell asleep (I'm serious, how does an 8-month old have that much energy?!!!!), I sat in front of my laptop and wrote. Yes, I said WROTE. I worked on the novel uninterrupted til I finished another chapter. Yay!
Third. Sunday was rainy all day. Dark. Windy. A bit cold. Hurricane season has finally arrived, though usually here that just translates into annoying and rainy (hey, I'm thankful for that--I'd rather not live through another hurricane if I can help it). So I planned the baby's 1st birthday party with my mom. Yes, it is almost 4 months away. But, we are planning on making everything ourselves and of course, I'm super ambitious and this is baby's first birthday (which he won't remember at all and can only look at the pictures--but I don't care--it's important to mommy!). I'm actually really excited to start working on all the stuff and hopefully will be buying some of the materials or gathering some (as there's no need to buy all of them) later this week so I can actually move from planning to doing! We even wrote out the guestlist. Well, it was more of my mom taking care of baby and playing with him while I threw out ideas at her and kept annoying her by calling her over the laptop to look at pictures. :D
Fourth. Monday morning. My ex-coworkers went back to work today so I decided to make this my end of summer day too. And I managed to wake up to my alarm (finally--only took like the whole summer!) though I didn't need to as baby alarm was right on time too asking for his milk. Fed the baby, got up and exercised, made a healthy breakfast, watched the news, and then, as baby and E are still sleeping, stole this moment to write this post and play on the internet. Because I have actual work projects to work on the rest of the day and another novel chapter to finish (if baby agrees to give mommy time today).
Anyway, have a great, productive week. I know I will!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Jigsaw Puzzle
That's what my novel is turning into. Or I should say, has begun as. I get these flashes, whole scenes, but they are not necessarily in order. I can see in my mind how they are connected, but they are not yet connected. I was trying to force myself to write in order, so I kept sketching those flashing in my notebook: notes, entire scenes, even some revision, right on the notebook, while trying to type the story in order. It was too hard! So now, I've decided to collect the puzzle pieces and start putting them together later. I started other documents with the other chapters, which has given me freedom to flesh them out completely, instead of trying to rush back to the original manuscript, which is what I was doing before. I love the freedom of this. I've never tried writing like that, but I think it might just work for me.
I've also started getting new story ideas. So, what to do? What to do? I liked just focusing on the one, but now I have all these other voices in my mind, fighting for their own space to be heard. I guess I'll work in all of them at the same time for now? A little here and a little there? Does that work? Or will that make me so crazy I won't finish anything? That's my fear, actually, but so far, it hasn't affected any of it. Actually, it's pushing me to write more and more. So I guess I'll go with that.
In completely unrelated news, I have to plan for our first overnight trip with baby. It sounded so simple. It's not! jajaja! But I am excited. I'm afraid of leaving anything I might need, but don't want to overpack. I've always seen all those parents will all those bags for even little trips. I always said that wouldn't be me. Now, I understand a little better. So, to control myself from overpacking, I'm going to make a list of what I'm taking, then go over it obsessively to make sure nothing important is left out and that I'm not taking unnecessary things. We are going to the beach, just for one night, to a resort, for a cousin's wedding. This sounds like it should be easier than if I was going to someone's house, but for me, it's actually a lot harder! Ughh! Okay, better go get that list started.
I've also started getting new story ideas. So, what to do? What to do? I liked just focusing on the one, but now I have all these other voices in my mind, fighting for their own space to be heard. I guess I'll work in all of them at the same time for now? A little here and a little there? Does that work? Or will that make me so crazy I won't finish anything? That's my fear, actually, but so far, it hasn't affected any of it. Actually, it's pushing me to write more and more. So I guess I'll go with that.
In completely unrelated news, I have to plan for our first overnight trip with baby. It sounded so simple. It's not! jajaja! But I am excited. I'm afraid of leaving anything I might need, but don't want to overpack. I've always seen all those parents will all those bags for even little trips. I always said that wouldn't be me. Now, I understand a little better. So, to control myself from overpacking, I'm going to make a list of what I'm taking, then go over it obsessively to make sure nothing important is left out and that I'm not taking unnecessary things. We are going to the beach, just for one night, to a resort, for a cousin's wedding. This sounds like it should be easier than if I was going to someone's house, but for me, it's actually a lot harder! Ughh! Okay, better go get that list started.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Blackout Days
First, never underestimate the power of flowers: So Eduard went out today to run a few errands and when he came back, he had, surprise! flowers for me. Not just flowers, gorgeous , bright yellow, happy sunflowers, my favorite! And seriously, I believe those sunflowers are so magical that they managed to make me remain calm and semi-productive as we suffered through another whole day blackout again! (yesterday, I gave up and took the baby to my parents' place, where I could lay under a nice ceiling fan and talk my afternoon away).
So, on to said blackout. 7+ hours (shorter than yesterday's 9). Wow. In the middle of the summer. I mean, it's not quite unexpected here in little tiny moving-backwards country, but seriously, I had gotten used to having 24-hours of electricity again. Dumb me. Plus, our inverter's batteries are just about dead and we will have to invest in new ones, as soon as we can so about 30 minutes into the blackout the power completely died. Normally, I would have started freaking, especially since baby is not only teething (and I think he has more than one tooth coming in at the same time) he is also experiencing his first cold. The poor thing is a little congested, with a slight fever that comes and goes and generally not feeling good. But somehow, I got baby to sleep on his playard and put the playard near the front door where a nice breeze was actually coming in, and decided to see how I could best use my time since I couldn't do anything that needed electricity.
Well, first I did all the breakfast dishes and cleaned up the kitchen some. That done, I peeked at my desk area and realized that I really needed to clean it up and organize it. I think my writing has been taking a toll because my desk has gotten so out of control! I kind of started to clean and organize it, but with the exception of that front door area, my house is an oven, so I quickly gave up and decided to wait for my fans to be working. But, my desk area should be finished and organized in the next few days. I did put some new pictures of baby up on my wall in my desk area, though. And that led me to spend quite a while organzing and labeling photographs so they can be ready to be put in albums. This is something I've been meaning to do for a while--like for four and half years! Yes, I'm embarrassed to say that our whole courtship, marriage, pregnancy and baby's life til now is all there, recorded, but not organized at all! Well, now it is, and I also figured out what other pictures I wanted to have printed so I can complete my albums. All in all a very progressive day.
Meanwhile, the blackout continued. After baby woke up, Eduard literally sat in our front gallery area, where there is a breeze, on a blanket on the floor with the baby. For hours. Because it was the only cool place to wait out the blackout. Eduard did get a little desperate at one point and called the electricity company to find out when they expected the blackout to end. Their answer: We really don't have a time because this a country-wide situation. What?!!!! Yes, that's the kind of answer he got. 3 times. Because he called back and talked to different representatives just to make sure. And then I talked to my parents, who were out in our hometown in the center of the country for the day and apparently, the people at the electric company were not lying, because there was no electricity there. That gives you an idea of where I live.
And the blackout continued. I finally got up and made some lunch for us, though by that time it was closer to dinner time and we were not really hungry (due to the fact that we had become sloths in the heat). And I was still not upset! (Very out of character for me). Everytime I glanced at those bright orange flowers brightening up my living room I got happy.
And my sick baby? Oh wow, I do have the sweetest baby in the world. And I'm not saying that because I'm his mother (okay, maybe a little because I'm his mother). He didn't complain, not once. The poor thing coughed and sneezed and you could tell his little throat hurt a little but generally he sat on that blanket on the floor and played with his dad or on the playard and played with his toys and when he was too tired, he did want to be in mommy's arms, but only til he fell asleep. You would have never known he was sick!
Ah, the electricity did finally come back when I was finally beginning to lose it a bit.
On a little sad note though, I realized today that we're pretty much done with breastfeeding. I feel really sad about it though due to some health issues, we were never sure I would even be able to breastfeed, but I made it to 7 months. The last 3 weeks or so, my production really dropped and baby asked for the breast less and less and just drank his formula happily. He still wants the breast but only to fall asleep (he'll take it for a few minutes and fall asleep). I hate losing that bond that I felt we had. Eduard tells me it's okay. The baby is already 7 months and I made it past 6 months, which was my goal when we first thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. Still, I'm sad. I guess it'll take a little while to get used to it. But it's weird that my baby would get sick just when he's pretty much drinking formula instead of breastmilk, so there's some guilty feelings involved in that too. :(
Anyway, I'm hoping tomorrow is not another all-day blackout, but I kind of know the answer to that already, so I'm going to try to rise ridiculously early (for me, now) and see if I can get a few things done before the electric company does its thing again!
So, on to said blackout. 7+ hours (shorter than yesterday's 9). Wow. In the middle of the summer. I mean, it's not quite unexpected here in little tiny moving-backwards country, but seriously, I had gotten used to having 24-hours of electricity again. Dumb me. Plus, our inverter's batteries are just about dead and we will have to invest in new ones, as soon as we can so about 30 minutes into the blackout the power completely died. Normally, I would have started freaking, especially since baby is not only teething (and I think he has more than one tooth coming in at the same time) he is also experiencing his first cold. The poor thing is a little congested, with a slight fever that comes and goes and generally not feeling good. But somehow, I got baby to sleep on his playard and put the playard near the front door where a nice breeze was actually coming in, and decided to see how I could best use my time since I couldn't do anything that needed electricity.
Well, first I did all the breakfast dishes and cleaned up the kitchen some. That done, I peeked at my desk area and realized that I really needed to clean it up and organize it. I think my writing has been taking a toll because my desk has gotten so out of control! I kind of started to clean and organize it, but with the exception of that front door area, my house is an oven, so I quickly gave up and decided to wait for my fans to be working. But, my desk area should be finished and organized in the next few days. I did put some new pictures of baby up on my wall in my desk area, though. And that led me to spend quite a while organzing and labeling photographs so they can be ready to be put in albums. This is something I've been meaning to do for a while--like for four and half years! Yes, I'm embarrassed to say that our whole courtship, marriage, pregnancy and baby's life til now is all there, recorded, but not organized at all! Well, now it is, and I also figured out what other pictures I wanted to have printed so I can complete my albums. All in all a very progressive day.
Meanwhile, the blackout continued. After baby woke up, Eduard literally sat in our front gallery area, where there is a breeze, on a blanket on the floor with the baby. For hours. Because it was the only cool place to wait out the blackout. Eduard did get a little desperate at one point and called the electricity company to find out when they expected the blackout to end. Their answer: We really don't have a time because this a country-wide situation. What?!!!! Yes, that's the kind of answer he got. 3 times. Because he called back and talked to different representatives just to make sure. And then I talked to my parents, who were out in our hometown in the center of the country for the day and apparently, the people at the electric company were not lying, because there was no electricity there. That gives you an idea of where I live.
And the blackout continued. I finally got up and made some lunch for us, though by that time it was closer to dinner time and we were not really hungry (due to the fact that we had become sloths in the heat). And I was still not upset! (Very out of character for me). Everytime I glanced at those bright orange flowers brightening up my living room I got happy.
And my sick baby? Oh wow, I do have the sweetest baby in the world. And I'm not saying that because I'm his mother (okay, maybe a little because I'm his mother). He didn't complain, not once. The poor thing coughed and sneezed and you could tell his little throat hurt a little but generally he sat on that blanket on the floor and played with his dad or on the playard and played with his toys and when he was too tired, he did want to be in mommy's arms, but only til he fell asleep. You would have never known he was sick!
Ah, the electricity did finally come back when I was finally beginning to lose it a bit.
On a little sad note though, I realized today that we're pretty much done with breastfeeding. I feel really sad about it though due to some health issues, we were never sure I would even be able to breastfeed, but I made it to 7 months. The last 3 weeks or so, my production really dropped and baby asked for the breast less and less and just drank his formula happily. He still wants the breast but only to fall asleep (he'll take it for a few minutes and fall asleep). I hate losing that bond that I felt we had. Eduard tells me it's okay. The baby is already 7 months and I made it past 6 months, which was my goal when we first thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. Still, I'm sad. I guess it'll take a little while to get used to it. But it's weird that my baby would get sick just when he's pretty much drinking formula instead of breastmilk, so there's some guilty feelings involved in that too. :(
Anyway, I'm hoping tomorrow is not another all-day blackout, but I kind of know the answer to that already, so I'm going to try to rise ridiculously early (for me, now) and see if I can get a few things done before the electric company does its thing again!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Balancing Act
Now that I don't have an official job (stop--it's still new enough that I have to stop and celebrate for a moment this new freedom from my previously uninspiring, oppressive environment), I am learning to balance "working" and being a full-time stay-at-home mom. I would have thought that I had learned part of this, when I went back to that other job a few months ago. Now I realize that I didn't since this is what I actually did: dropped off baby at my mother's, went to work and did what was required of me there (missed baby all day), after work, I picked up baby from my mother's and came home to exist only for baby. In the meantime, all the housework stuff, organization stuff piled up so that weekends were for that. Ughh. What a life.
Now, I actually do have to balance "working" and taking care of baby and taking care of my home and well, just having me-time. And somehow, it's all working out. First thing I've learned over the last few weeks: turn off the tv. I used to have the tv on for "background noise" all the time. Then one day, I turned it off and marveled at how much more I got done. I realized that when the tv was on all the time, I would stop in front of the tv constantly, and waste precious time. So now, I try to have the tv off most of the day. Second, stay off Facebook when I'm trying to actually get something done on the computer. Sounds easier than it is. (Major addiction that. I don't know what it is about Facebook, but it totally eats up my time!) Third, make realistic to-do lists. I used to make these long, long to-do lists and get almost nothing done, then, I would beat myself up over it. Now, my to-do lists can only include a few things. Writing is at the top of the list everyday, non-negotiable. So then I can add: go the supermarket. Or do laundry and iron. Or sweep and mop and dust. Or visit mom. Or take baby for his doctor's checkup. Etc. Never more than 2 or 3 items on the list since I know I won't get through more than that. Fourth, get baby on a schedule. It's a work-in-progress, but I have to say that the last 3 days have been pretty consistent with eating times and nap times and play time and bedtime. Keeeping my fingers crossed that it continues.
My little tyrant, oops, baby, does like to be entertained and gets easily bored, so husband and I share the entertaining/play time. Sometimes it's just playing with him, sometimes it's baby watching us work. Baby seems to particularly enjoy sitting out in the backyard watching husband paint and watching the dogs. But once he's bored, he's very vocal about it, and if it's not feeding time, or a dirty diaper, or sleep time, that means he would like new entertainment. He's quite demanding for someone who can't talk yet (thank god!), but he's so damned cute, that we tend to forgive him. ;-)
Now, I actually do have to balance "working" and taking care of baby and taking care of my home and well, just having me-time. And somehow, it's all working out. First thing I've learned over the last few weeks: turn off the tv. I used to have the tv on for "background noise" all the time. Then one day, I turned it off and marveled at how much more I got done. I realized that when the tv was on all the time, I would stop in front of the tv constantly, and waste precious time. So now, I try to have the tv off most of the day. Second, stay off Facebook when I'm trying to actually get something done on the computer. Sounds easier than it is. (Major addiction that. I don't know what it is about Facebook, but it totally eats up my time!) Third, make realistic to-do lists. I used to make these long, long to-do lists and get almost nothing done, then, I would beat myself up over it. Now, my to-do lists can only include a few things. Writing is at the top of the list everyday, non-negotiable. So then I can add: go the supermarket. Or do laundry and iron. Or sweep and mop and dust. Or visit mom. Or take baby for his doctor's checkup. Etc. Never more than 2 or 3 items on the list since I know I won't get through more than that. Fourth, get baby on a schedule. It's a work-in-progress, but I have to say that the last 3 days have been pretty consistent with eating times and nap times and play time and bedtime. Keeeping my fingers crossed that it continues.
My little tyrant, oops, baby, does like to be entertained and gets easily bored, so husband and I share the entertaining/play time. Sometimes it's just playing with him, sometimes it's baby watching us work. Baby seems to particularly enjoy sitting out in the backyard watching husband paint and watching the dogs. But once he's bored, he's very vocal about it, and if it's not feeding time, or a dirty diaper, or sleep time, that means he would like new entertainment. He's quite demanding for someone who can't talk yet (thank god!), but he's so damned cute, that we tend to forgive him. ;-)
(Little tyrant on his throne)
I guess I also have to add that I'm lucky that husband's here to help me throughout the day, whether it be sharing on the childcare, or cleaning or cooking. I think life would be much, much harder if I had to do it all alone, though I think this schedule I'm working out will make it just a little easier.
There are a few things left to still: finish organizing every little aspect of my house. I've found that the more organized things originally are, the easier they are to keep clean and organized. And there's the little matter of getting to bed at a decent hour so I can start waking up ealier than I have. Instead of jumping out of bed to prepare baby's food, it would be nice to get up, stretch, exercise, and just think before starting my real day. I guess I'll work those into my own schedule in the coming weeks. In the meantime, I'm planning tomorrow's to-do list: write, translate resume, visit mom. (There you go: 3 doable things.) :D
There are a few things left to still: finish organizing every little aspect of my house. I've found that the more organized things originally are, the easier they are to keep clean and organized. And there's the little matter of getting to bed at a decent hour so I can start waking up ealier than I have. Instead of jumping out of bed to prepare baby's food, it would be nice to get up, stretch, exercise, and just think before starting my real day. I guess I'll work those into my own schedule in the coming weeks. In the meantime, I'm planning tomorrow's to-do list: write, translate resume, visit mom. (There you go: 3 doable things.) :D
Thursday, June 25, 2009
And in one moment...all these possibilities open up...
One day you have a job, that although it provides some fulfillment, normally makes you miserable. The next, you are a free woman, with limitless possibilities, and somehow, on that same day, some doors begin to open pushing you in the direction you have wanted to go in so long! That has been my week so far. I couldn't ask for a better one.
There is a degree of fear involved, of course, to not have a steady job anymore when I have a young child at home, yet, the fear involved is so little that it confirms that this is the best path for me for sure. Right after I knew I wasn't returning to my job in the fall, I felt the beginnings of euphoria. Freedom! What I've wanted for so long and had been too responsible and afraid to make happen. And I'm guessing that because I feel this is so right for me, that because my attitude about this has been so positive, the right doors have begun to open. I truly feel now like I felt when I was 20 and everything seemed reachable, my future a completely open book. In the years since then, I haven't always felt this positive. There have been many dark moments. So it is incredible to get back that feeling, get back to that place, and continue the path that I started so long ago.
I promised myself I would get here when Dorian was born six months ago. No, I promised myself that earlier, when he was still in my womb, growing. Somehow, I had to live life in my own terms and be an example for my son, to do something that I loved and completely fulfilled me, without the terrible compromises we have to sometimes make. He would have had that example from his father anyway, but I wanted it to come from both of us. And now it will.
As for me, I have so much to learn yet in this new path, and my studies have already begun. And it couldn't feel any better. The other plus is that I get to be immersed in my writing again, my characters are allowed out of my mind again (and they were getting restless in there!), their world can keep growing, their story developing.
There is a degree of fear involved, of course, to not have a steady job anymore when I have a young child at home, yet, the fear involved is so little that it confirms that this is the best path for me for sure. Right after I knew I wasn't returning to my job in the fall, I felt the beginnings of euphoria. Freedom! What I've wanted for so long and had been too responsible and afraid to make happen. And I'm guessing that because I feel this is so right for me, that because my attitude about this has been so positive, the right doors have begun to open. I truly feel now like I felt when I was 20 and everything seemed reachable, my future a completely open book. In the years since then, I haven't always felt this positive. There have been many dark moments. So it is incredible to get back that feeling, get back to that place, and continue the path that I started so long ago.
I promised myself I would get here when Dorian was born six months ago. No, I promised myself that earlier, when he was still in my womb, growing. Somehow, I had to live life in my own terms and be an example for my son, to do something that I loved and completely fulfilled me, without the terrible compromises we have to sometimes make. He would have had that example from his father anyway, but I wanted it to come from both of us. And now it will.
As for me, I have so much to learn yet in this new path, and my studies have already begun. And it couldn't feel any better. The other plus is that I get to be immersed in my writing again, my characters are allowed out of my mind again (and they were getting restless in there!), their world can keep growing, their story developing.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Writing, writing, writing!
So I came by this quote by Ray Bradbury while reading the FundsforWriters newsletter today: "Stay drunk on writing so reality doesn't destroy you." Oh my god! That's exactly how I've felt today, drunk on writing. Riding an amazing high after writing a section that has particularly pleased me today. A section I did not plan but that I "heard" and had to just write. So I wrote, without stopping for a long while, with a certain desperation, and then, wow!
I thought about it when I was done with that section, when I was feeling all "happy" as we say here in DR for feeling just a little drunk and then I realized that I've been using writing to keep reality at bay for a few weeks now. Reality includes all these worries, which can become horrible worries (especially when you look at your 4-month old baby sleeping peacefully in his crib and think about all you want to provide for his life). And writing, well, in writing anything can happen and it often does. :D
Drunk on writing. I plan to stay that way for a long time. :D
I thought about it when I was done with that section, when I was feeling all "happy" as we say here in DR for feeling just a little drunk and then I realized that I've been using writing to keep reality at bay for a few weeks now. Reality includes all these worries, which can become horrible worries (especially when you look at your 4-month old baby sleeping peacefully in his crib and think about all you want to provide for his life). And writing, well, in writing anything can happen and it often does. :D
Drunk on writing. I plan to stay that way for a long time. :D
Sunday, April 12, 2009
What I've Learned Today
I've learned that my son has the most perfect little nose.
I've learned that when I believe in myself, I can overcome the obstacles that scare me most.
I've learned that for each small goal I reach, each little tiny step I take, the bigger ones seem more manageable.
I've learned that practice does make perfect, at least helps you improve: after spending a week writing daily for a few hours each day, I've found a great rhythm!
But I've also learned that it is ridiculously painful when your realize someone close to you does not believe in you, does not support you
And that it feels amazing when your soul mate tells you it doesn't matter, because he believes in you and that's what counts.
I've learned that when I believe in myself, I can overcome the obstacles that scare me most.
I've learned that for each small goal I reach, each little tiny step I take, the bigger ones seem more manageable.
I've learned that practice does make perfect, at least helps you improve: after spending a week writing daily for a few hours each day, I've found a great rhythm!
But I've also learned that it is ridiculously painful when your realize someone close to you does not believe in you, does not support you
And that it feels amazing when your soul mate tells you it doesn't matter, because he believes in you and that's what counts.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Inspiration!
Inspiration comes from very surprising places. About two weeks ago, my sister gave me that giant sunflower to cheer up my day. For some reason, wherever there are sunflowers, I am happy. This giant sunny flower certainly brightened up an already colorful living room! But even more than that, suddenly, my characters were speaking to me again and I wrote out (by hand no less!) an entire scene for my new story. And of course, it centered on sunflowers!
So far, writing this story has been exciting and painful at the same time. I keep "hearing" new stuff that happens in the story and I write it down in my notebook, but it's all out of order. At the same time, I've been writing the story on my laptop, in order, and that has been quite painful sometimes, especially when I've felt stuck, like I can't go anymore, but I've pushed on. Okay, so far it's been two weeks of working on it, but I've done it daily, and for the last week I've set writing goals daily and met them! I started the story doubting myself, feeling rusty after so long not writing, but each day gives me just a little more assurance that I can finish this and see it through and it fights that horrible little voice that sometimes makes me think maybe I should give up writing completely. The notebook stays by my side at all time so I've been writing ideas, scenes, questions as they occur to me: at the doctor's office, in the shade while waiting for my car to cool off after it overheated, at work, at my parents' house, before going to bed, waiting in line someplace, in the car....and I have to admit that every time more stuff gets revealed to me, I feel a little rush like okay, I can see this project through. It is taking my writing in a completely different direction, one that was unexpected, but I'm having fun doing it too!
I've also been posting my updates on Facebook and my friends' reactions and encouragement has been amazing for my progress. That should balance out the fact that I waste too much time on Facebook to begin with. ;-)
The other side of this is that Dorian is actually "cooperating" with my writing needs by going to sleep early enough that I can get an hour or so in there just to sit in front of the laptop to concentrate on the story and write. Of course, it helps I'm on vacation. Next week will be the real test. :D Wish me luck!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Writing
Getting back into a writing rhythm is hard, especially if you feel like you've gone years without writing at all! I find myself writing, rewriting, deleting and starting the whole process over and over again. I am doubting myself, constantly, which makes me anxious and almost ready to give up. But I haven't.
It's also really exciting, to feel so focused on this now, at this moment, that even all that doubt and false starts haven't made me stop. Strangely enough, I'm taking a different direction this time with my writing and it feels right. So, I just will keep pushing myself.
It's also strange how much of the story I hear in my head, all day long. It's like the story is writing itself, first telling itself to me, revisions included, and pushing me to write it. So maybe, this time, I'll keep my focus and see it through. I truly hope so.
It's also really exciting, to feel so focused on this now, at this moment, that even all that doubt and false starts haven't made me stop. Strangely enough, I'm taking a different direction this time with my writing and it feels right. So, I just will keep pushing myself.
It's also strange how much of the story I hear in my head, all day long. It's like the story is writing itself, first telling itself to me, revisions included, and pushing me to write it. So maybe, this time, I'll keep my focus and see it through. I truly hope so.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Oh the possibilities...
So there is the possibility of a big change in my life in the next few weeks. It just became possible all of a sudden and though normally I'd panic about this, about the changes it could bring, I have reacted instead by feeling inspired and surprisingly, by getting over my writer's block! Yesterday, I woke up feeling lighter, more positive, full of ideas--I even put some of the ideas into motion. And this in itself is a big accomplishment for me in the last few months. There are things I planned on doing for years, changes I wanted to make that just got pushed back and pushed back, and now, suddenly, they might be the only option and I'm so looking forward to them, I cannot wait for the next few weeks to unfold.
In the meantime, I have a wonderful baby boy who is growing bigger every day. I wonder if babies show their personalities this early because I think mine is. Though he is generally a very happy baby, smiling and laughing with everyone, he also seems to already be stubborn and set in some of his ways (like his mom). He also complains loudly if things are not done the way he likes them. :D And also like me, he loves to "talk" all the time! :D (Not so good at 3am but what can you do!)
I was in such a good mood yesterday, that I even baked! I made a pineapple and carrot cake from scratch. I love making things from scratch and not from boxes, though time doesn't always lend itself to that. I actually first put all the ingredients out like in the cooking shows. I felt all professional too! jajaja!
In the meantime, I have a wonderful baby boy who is growing bigger every day. I wonder if babies show their personalities this early because I think mine is. Though he is generally a very happy baby, smiling and laughing with everyone, he also seems to already be stubborn and set in some of his ways (like his mom). He also complains loudly if things are not done the way he likes them. :D And also like me, he loves to "talk" all the time! :D (Not so good at 3am but what can you do!)
I was in such a good mood yesterday, that I even baked! I made a pineapple and carrot cake from scratch. I love making things from scratch and not from boxes, though time doesn't always lend itself to that. I actually first put all the ingredients out like in the cooking shows. I felt all professional too! jajaja!
And this is how the cake came out:
I am actually quite proud of it. It's been a while since I baked a cake. :D
So, today, still feeling positive, still working on my projects, still looking forward and anxiously awaiting the outcome of the next few weeks!
So, today, still feeling positive, still working on my projects, still looking forward and anxiously awaiting the outcome of the next few weeks!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Mornings
I hear the birds chirping outside and sometimes, with the winter breezes, the leaves on the trees dancing all around. That is, if my neighbor doesn't decide to serenade us with extra-loud bachata from his car speakers at 7am, or if the countless vendors who drive, ride their carts, bikes, or walk by don't startle us with their sales pitch.
I love it when it's quiet, the baby is sleeping with his daddy, and I feel, just for a moment, all alone with my thoughts. I can sit, drink some tea, and dream about and plan all the things I'm going to get done today (which I never get to in the end.) The rest of the day flies by in a blur, and rarely do all of my plans get fulfilled, but at the beginning of the morning, very early, I can still believe. Today, I am making list of things that range from taking the baby to the doctor (must get done), to organizing some things around the house (might get done) to exercising (should get done, for both my personal and mental health) to actually working on at least one personal project (probably will have to be pushed back a day or two-but you never know. Though, maybe it doesn't since I think writing on this blog counts as part of my personal projects).
Mornings are when my ideas are flowing, for stories, for projects, for life. It used to be late, late night. That was my best working time, but somehow, it has all changed. I'm not sure when that happened, but it did. I've decided to keep an idea/thoughts/feelings/reflection journal. All together, because I've tried keeping them separate and gave up on all of them. I always imagine my journal to be full of not only writing, but sketches, fotos, colors, but somehow, I always give up on them. I think my last full journal was in college and that seems so many lives away. I think sometimes the idea of this journal appeals to me because maybe I can get back, fully, what I felt when I was still in college, like life was moving slowly and deliciously and I had all possibilities open to me. Sometimes I still think that, but maybe not deep enough, and I guess I want to feel it all again, especially now that I get to live life along with my baby boy.
I love it when it's quiet, the baby is sleeping with his daddy, and I feel, just for a moment, all alone with my thoughts. I can sit, drink some tea, and dream about and plan all the things I'm going to get done today (which I never get to in the end.) The rest of the day flies by in a blur, and rarely do all of my plans get fulfilled, but at the beginning of the morning, very early, I can still believe. Today, I am making list of things that range from taking the baby to the doctor (must get done), to organizing some things around the house (might get done) to exercising (should get done, for both my personal and mental health) to actually working on at least one personal project (probably will have to be pushed back a day or two-but you never know. Though, maybe it doesn't since I think writing on this blog counts as part of my personal projects).
Mornings are when my ideas are flowing, for stories, for projects, for life. It used to be late, late night. That was my best working time, but somehow, it has all changed. I'm not sure when that happened, but it did. I've decided to keep an idea/thoughts/feelings/reflection journal. All together, because I've tried keeping them separate and gave up on all of them. I always imagine my journal to be full of not only writing, but sketches, fotos, colors, but somehow, I always give up on them. I think my last full journal was in college and that seems so many lives away. I think sometimes the idea of this journal appeals to me because maybe I can get back, fully, what I felt when I was still in college, like life was moving slowly and deliciously and I had all possibilities open to me. Sometimes I still think that, but maybe not deep enough, and I guess I want to feel it all again, especially now that I get to live life along with my baby boy.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Strange Days...
Last night, we ran out of cooking gas. My husband put the tank in our trunk and went to buy some, only to find that there was no cooking gas for sale anywhere! Supposedly, some cooking gas would come into the country at 3am so there would be none for sale until later this afternoon (ah, the joys of living in a third-world country!). So, this morning, when I woke up to no cooking gas, I had to figure out a way to creatively cook--and so the electric rice cooker became the answer. Now, the electric rice cooker is a lot more useful than I thought. You can cook rice, of course, but you can boil water for tea, boil eggs, cook pasta, veggies, etc. You can actually make a whole meal in this one pot! I already knew this before I tried it because one of my friends here had to spend a few days cooking all her meals in a rice cooker and she had gotten creative with it. But I have to say that it has saved the day!
In the meantime, the baby was tired, fighting sleep and crying on and off (that soft "ay, ay, ay" crying that little 2-month old babies often do). After trying to entertain him with music, his mobile, a walk around the backyard to take some sun, and just plain cooing to him, into the swing he went and voila! he was asleep in a few minutes. No more whimpering, no more "ay, ay, ay" complaint-crying that makes mommy feel bad and inexperienced and guilty for not solving baby's problem instantly.
So, I stole a few minutes on the laptop to begin typing this, as my iron warmed up so I could iron all of the baby clothes I washed yesterday. Since I don't have a dryer, all of baby's things have to be ironed after they dry. I used to hate ironing. Wouldn't do it for anything, ever. But strangely enough, I have come to enjoy ironing the baby's things. Not because ironing is a fun activity, but because I seem to lose myself in my thoughts during the time I'm ironing. It is completely like meditating for me. I have to do it when the baby is either sleeping or happily lying in his bassinet, watching me, watching the world.
I am getting really good at looking for creative solutions for little problems and using up moments of time, instead of large blocks of time. Now, if I could only convince the baby to stay still long enough in the sling or the wrap to sit down and work on creative writing...I guess that's the next challenge.
In the meantime, the baby was tired, fighting sleep and crying on and off (that soft "ay, ay, ay" crying that little 2-month old babies often do). After trying to entertain him with music, his mobile, a walk around the backyard to take some sun, and just plain cooing to him, into the swing he went and voila! he was asleep in a few minutes. No more whimpering, no more "ay, ay, ay" complaint-crying that makes mommy feel bad and inexperienced and guilty for not solving baby's problem instantly.
So, I stole a few minutes on the laptop to begin typing this, as my iron warmed up so I could iron all of the baby clothes I washed yesterday. Since I don't have a dryer, all of baby's things have to be ironed after they dry. I used to hate ironing. Wouldn't do it for anything, ever. But strangely enough, I have come to enjoy ironing the baby's things. Not because ironing is a fun activity, but because I seem to lose myself in my thoughts during the time I'm ironing. It is completely like meditating for me. I have to do it when the baby is either sleeping or happily lying in his bassinet, watching me, watching the world.
I am getting really good at looking for creative solutions for little problems and using up moments of time, instead of large blocks of time. Now, if I could only convince the baby to stay still long enough in the sling or the wrap to sit down and work on creative writing...I guess that's the next challenge.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What My Son Has Taught Me
My son was born less than a month ago and yet he has already taught me so many things. He has taught me that I need to cherish every moment with him because time indeed does seem to fly and already he is growing and growing. He has taught me that I need to be organized all the time, so that I can get done everything I need to, for him, for my family, for myself. He has taught me that I need to do instead of just plan, which is something that I often did--plan, plan, plan and never got around to doing. He has taught me the importance of patience, that a mother learns to watch and admire how fast a child learns and how difficult it is to learn at the same time. He has taught me to truly believe in miracles, as he is one. He has taught me that I need to take care of myself, physically, spiritually and emotionally, so I can be there for him always and so I can be an example. And most of all, he has taught me that a child is a blessing that keeps bringing more and more blessings as the days go on.
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