That's what my novel is turning into. Or I should say, has begun as. I get these flashes, whole scenes, but they are not necessarily in order. I can see in my mind how they are connected, but they are not yet connected. I was trying to force myself to write in order, so I kept sketching those flashing in my notebook: notes, entire scenes, even some revision, right on the notebook, while trying to type the story in order. It was too hard! So now, I've decided to collect the puzzle pieces and start putting them together later. I started other documents with the other chapters, which has given me freedom to flesh them out completely, instead of trying to rush back to the original manuscript, which is what I was doing before. I love the freedom of this. I've never tried writing like that, but I think it might just work for me.
I've also started getting new story ideas. So, what to do? What to do? I liked just focusing on the one, but now I have all these other voices in my mind, fighting for their own space to be heard. I guess I'll work in all of them at the same time for now? A little here and a little there? Does that work? Or will that make me so crazy I won't finish anything? That's my fear, actually, but so far, it hasn't affected any of it. Actually, it's pushing me to write more and more. So I guess I'll go with that.
In completely unrelated news, I have to plan for our first overnight trip with baby. It sounded so simple. It's not! jajaja! But I am excited. I'm afraid of leaving anything I might need, but don't want to overpack. I've always seen all those parents will all those bags for even little trips. I always said that wouldn't be me. Now, I understand a little better. So, to control myself from overpacking, I'm going to make a list of what I'm taking, then go over it obsessively to make sure nothing important is left out and that I'm not taking unnecessary things. We are going to the beach, just for one night, to a resort, for a cousin's wedding. This sounds like it should be easier than if I was going to someone's house, but for me, it's actually a lot harder! Ughh! Okay, better go get that list started.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Blackout Days
First, never underestimate the power of flowers: So Eduard went out today to run a few errands and when he came back, he had, surprise! flowers for me. Not just flowers, gorgeous , bright yellow, happy sunflowers, my favorite! And seriously, I believe those sunflowers are so magical that they managed to make me remain calm and semi-productive as we suffered through another whole day blackout again! (yesterday, I gave up and took the baby to my parents' place, where I could lay under a nice ceiling fan and talk my afternoon away).
So, on to said blackout. 7+ hours (shorter than yesterday's 9). Wow. In the middle of the summer. I mean, it's not quite unexpected here in little tiny moving-backwards country, but seriously, I had gotten used to having 24-hours of electricity again. Dumb me. Plus, our inverter's batteries are just about dead and we will have to invest in new ones, as soon as we can so about 30 minutes into the blackout the power completely died. Normally, I would have started freaking, especially since baby is not only teething (and I think he has more than one tooth coming in at the same time) he is also experiencing his first cold. The poor thing is a little congested, with a slight fever that comes and goes and generally not feeling good. But somehow, I got baby to sleep on his playard and put the playard near the front door where a nice breeze was actually coming in, and decided to see how I could best use my time since I couldn't do anything that needed electricity.
Well, first I did all the breakfast dishes and cleaned up the kitchen some. That done, I peeked at my desk area and realized that I really needed to clean it up and organize it. I think my writing has been taking a toll because my desk has gotten so out of control! I kind of started to clean and organize it, but with the exception of that front door area, my house is an oven, so I quickly gave up and decided to wait for my fans to be working. But, my desk area should be finished and organized in the next few days. I did put some new pictures of baby up on my wall in my desk area, though. And that led me to spend quite a while organzing and labeling photographs so they can be ready to be put in albums. This is something I've been meaning to do for a while--like for four and half years! Yes, I'm embarrassed to say that our whole courtship, marriage, pregnancy and baby's life til now is all there, recorded, but not organized at all! Well, now it is, and I also figured out what other pictures I wanted to have printed so I can complete my albums. All in all a very progressive day.
Meanwhile, the blackout continued. After baby woke up, Eduard literally sat in our front gallery area, where there is a breeze, on a blanket on the floor with the baby. For hours. Because it was the only cool place to wait out the blackout. Eduard did get a little desperate at one point and called the electricity company to find out when they expected the blackout to end. Their answer: We really don't have a time because this a country-wide situation. What?!!!! Yes, that's the kind of answer he got. 3 times. Because he called back and talked to different representatives just to make sure. And then I talked to my parents, who were out in our hometown in the center of the country for the day and apparently, the people at the electric company were not lying, because there was no electricity there. That gives you an idea of where I live.
And the blackout continued. I finally got up and made some lunch for us, though by that time it was closer to dinner time and we were not really hungry (due to the fact that we had become sloths in the heat). And I was still not upset! (Very out of character for me). Everytime I glanced at those bright orange flowers brightening up my living room I got happy.
And my sick baby? Oh wow, I do have the sweetest baby in the world. And I'm not saying that because I'm his mother (okay, maybe a little because I'm his mother). He didn't complain, not once. The poor thing coughed and sneezed and you could tell his little throat hurt a little but generally he sat on that blanket on the floor and played with his dad or on the playard and played with his toys and when he was too tired, he did want to be in mommy's arms, but only til he fell asleep. You would have never known he was sick!
Ah, the electricity did finally come back when I was finally beginning to lose it a bit.
On a little sad note though, I realized today that we're pretty much done with breastfeeding. I feel really sad about it though due to some health issues, we were never sure I would even be able to breastfeed, but I made it to 7 months. The last 3 weeks or so, my production really dropped and baby asked for the breast less and less and just drank his formula happily. He still wants the breast but only to fall asleep (he'll take it for a few minutes and fall asleep). I hate losing that bond that I felt we had. Eduard tells me it's okay. The baby is already 7 months and I made it past 6 months, which was my goal when we first thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. Still, I'm sad. I guess it'll take a little while to get used to it. But it's weird that my baby would get sick just when he's pretty much drinking formula instead of breastmilk, so there's some guilty feelings involved in that too. :(
Anyway, I'm hoping tomorrow is not another all-day blackout, but I kind of know the answer to that already, so I'm going to try to rise ridiculously early (for me, now) and see if I can get a few things done before the electric company does its thing again!
So, on to said blackout. 7+ hours (shorter than yesterday's 9). Wow. In the middle of the summer. I mean, it's not quite unexpected here in little tiny moving-backwards country, but seriously, I had gotten used to having 24-hours of electricity again. Dumb me. Plus, our inverter's batteries are just about dead and we will have to invest in new ones, as soon as we can so about 30 minutes into the blackout the power completely died. Normally, I would have started freaking, especially since baby is not only teething (and I think he has more than one tooth coming in at the same time) he is also experiencing his first cold. The poor thing is a little congested, with a slight fever that comes and goes and generally not feeling good. But somehow, I got baby to sleep on his playard and put the playard near the front door where a nice breeze was actually coming in, and decided to see how I could best use my time since I couldn't do anything that needed electricity.
Well, first I did all the breakfast dishes and cleaned up the kitchen some. That done, I peeked at my desk area and realized that I really needed to clean it up and organize it. I think my writing has been taking a toll because my desk has gotten so out of control! I kind of started to clean and organize it, but with the exception of that front door area, my house is an oven, so I quickly gave up and decided to wait for my fans to be working. But, my desk area should be finished and organized in the next few days. I did put some new pictures of baby up on my wall in my desk area, though. And that led me to spend quite a while organzing and labeling photographs so they can be ready to be put in albums. This is something I've been meaning to do for a while--like for four and half years! Yes, I'm embarrassed to say that our whole courtship, marriage, pregnancy and baby's life til now is all there, recorded, but not organized at all! Well, now it is, and I also figured out what other pictures I wanted to have printed so I can complete my albums. All in all a very progressive day.
Meanwhile, the blackout continued. After baby woke up, Eduard literally sat in our front gallery area, where there is a breeze, on a blanket on the floor with the baby. For hours. Because it was the only cool place to wait out the blackout. Eduard did get a little desperate at one point and called the electricity company to find out when they expected the blackout to end. Their answer: We really don't have a time because this a country-wide situation. What?!!!! Yes, that's the kind of answer he got. 3 times. Because he called back and talked to different representatives just to make sure. And then I talked to my parents, who were out in our hometown in the center of the country for the day and apparently, the people at the electric company were not lying, because there was no electricity there. That gives you an idea of where I live.
And the blackout continued. I finally got up and made some lunch for us, though by that time it was closer to dinner time and we were not really hungry (due to the fact that we had become sloths in the heat). And I was still not upset! (Very out of character for me). Everytime I glanced at those bright orange flowers brightening up my living room I got happy.
And my sick baby? Oh wow, I do have the sweetest baby in the world. And I'm not saying that because I'm his mother (okay, maybe a little because I'm his mother). He didn't complain, not once. The poor thing coughed and sneezed and you could tell his little throat hurt a little but generally he sat on that blanket on the floor and played with his dad or on the playard and played with his toys and when he was too tired, he did want to be in mommy's arms, but only til he fell asleep. You would have never known he was sick!
Ah, the electricity did finally come back when I was finally beginning to lose it a bit.
On a little sad note though, I realized today that we're pretty much done with breastfeeding. I feel really sad about it though due to some health issues, we were never sure I would even be able to breastfeed, but I made it to 7 months. The last 3 weeks or so, my production really dropped and baby asked for the breast less and less and just drank his formula happily. He still wants the breast but only to fall asleep (he'll take it for a few minutes and fall asleep). I hate losing that bond that I felt we had. Eduard tells me it's okay. The baby is already 7 months and I made it past 6 months, which was my goal when we first thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. Still, I'm sad. I guess it'll take a little while to get used to it. But it's weird that my baby would get sick just when he's pretty much drinking formula instead of breastmilk, so there's some guilty feelings involved in that too. :(
Anyway, I'm hoping tomorrow is not another all-day blackout, but I kind of know the answer to that already, so I'm going to try to rise ridiculously early (for me, now) and see if I can get a few things done before the electric company does its thing again!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Balancing Act
Now that I don't have an official job (stop--it's still new enough that I have to stop and celebrate for a moment this new freedom from my previously uninspiring, oppressive environment), I am learning to balance "working" and being a full-time stay-at-home mom. I would have thought that I had learned part of this, when I went back to that other job a few months ago. Now I realize that I didn't since this is what I actually did: dropped off baby at my mother's, went to work and did what was required of me there (missed baby all day), after work, I picked up baby from my mother's and came home to exist only for baby. In the meantime, all the housework stuff, organization stuff piled up so that weekends were for that. Ughh. What a life.
Now, I actually do have to balance "working" and taking care of baby and taking care of my home and well, just having me-time. And somehow, it's all working out. First thing I've learned over the last few weeks: turn off the tv. I used to have the tv on for "background noise" all the time. Then one day, I turned it off and marveled at how much more I got done. I realized that when the tv was on all the time, I would stop in front of the tv constantly, and waste precious time. So now, I try to have the tv off most of the day. Second, stay off Facebook when I'm trying to actually get something done on the computer. Sounds easier than it is. (Major addiction that. I don't know what it is about Facebook, but it totally eats up my time!) Third, make realistic to-do lists. I used to make these long, long to-do lists and get almost nothing done, then, I would beat myself up over it. Now, my to-do lists can only include a few things. Writing is at the top of the list everyday, non-negotiable. So then I can add: go the supermarket. Or do laundry and iron. Or sweep and mop and dust. Or visit mom. Or take baby for his doctor's checkup. Etc. Never more than 2 or 3 items on the list since I know I won't get through more than that. Fourth, get baby on a schedule. It's a work-in-progress, but I have to say that the last 3 days have been pretty consistent with eating times and nap times and play time and bedtime. Keeeping my fingers crossed that it continues.
My little tyrant, oops, baby, does like to be entertained and gets easily bored, so husband and I share the entertaining/play time. Sometimes it's just playing with him, sometimes it's baby watching us work. Baby seems to particularly enjoy sitting out in the backyard watching husband paint and watching the dogs. But once he's bored, he's very vocal about it, and if it's not feeding time, or a dirty diaper, or sleep time, that means he would like new entertainment. He's quite demanding for someone who can't talk yet (thank god!), but he's so damned cute, that we tend to forgive him. ;-)
Now, I actually do have to balance "working" and taking care of baby and taking care of my home and well, just having me-time. And somehow, it's all working out. First thing I've learned over the last few weeks: turn off the tv. I used to have the tv on for "background noise" all the time. Then one day, I turned it off and marveled at how much more I got done. I realized that when the tv was on all the time, I would stop in front of the tv constantly, and waste precious time. So now, I try to have the tv off most of the day. Second, stay off Facebook when I'm trying to actually get something done on the computer. Sounds easier than it is. (Major addiction that. I don't know what it is about Facebook, but it totally eats up my time!) Third, make realistic to-do lists. I used to make these long, long to-do lists and get almost nothing done, then, I would beat myself up over it. Now, my to-do lists can only include a few things. Writing is at the top of the list everyday, non-negotiable. So then I can add: go the supermarket. Or do laundry and iron. Or sweep and mop and dust. Or visit mom. Or take baby for his doctor's checkup. Etc. Never more than 2 or 3 items on the list since I know I won't get through more than that. Fourth, get baby on a schedule. It's a work-in-progress, but I have to say that the last 3 days have been pretty consistent with eating times and nap times and play time and bedtime. Keeeping my fingers crossed that it continues.
My little tyrant, oops, baby, does like to be entertained and gets easily bored, so husband and I share the entertaining/play time. Sometimes it's just playing with him, sometimes it's baby watching us work. Baby seems to particularly enjoy sitting out in the backyard watching husband paint and watching the dogs. But once he's bored, he's very vocal about it, and if it's not feeding time, or a dirty diaper, or sleep time, that means he would like new entertainment. He's quite demanding for someone who can't talk yet (thank god!), but he's so damned cute, that we tend to forgive him. ;-)
(Little tyrant on his throne)
I guess I also have to add that I'm lucky that husband's here to help me throughout the day, whether it be sharing on the childcare, or cleaning or cooking. I think life would be much, much harder if I had to do it all alone, though I think this schedule I'm working out will make it just a little easier.
There are a few things left to still: finish organizing every little aspect of my house. I've found that the more organized things originally are, the easier they are to keep clean and organized. And there's the little matter of getting to bed at a decent hour so I can start waking up ealier than I have. Instead of jumping out of bed to prepare baby's food, it would be nice to get up, stretch, exercise, and just think before starting my real day. I guess I'll work those into my own schedule in the coming weeks. In the meantime, I'm planning tomorrow's to-do list: write, translate resume, visit mom. (There you go: 3 doable things.) :D
There are a few things left to still: finish organizing every little aspect of my house. I've found that the more organized things originally are, the easier they are to keep clean and organized. And there's the little matter of getting to bed at a decent hour so I can start waking up ealier than I have. Instead of jumping out of bed to prepare baby's food, it would be nice to get up, stretch, exercise, and just think before starting my real day. I guess I'll work those into my own schedule in the coming weeks. In the meantime, I'm planning tomorrow's to-do list: write, translate resume, visit mom. (There you go: 3 doable things.) :D
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