Oh the possibilities...

So there is the possibility of a big change in my life in the next few weeks. It just became possible all of a sudden and though normally I'd panic about this, about the changes it could bring, I have reacted instead by feeling inspired and surprisingly, by getting over my writer's block! Yesterday, I woke up feeling lighter, more positive, full of ideas--I even put some of the ideas into motion. And this in itself is a big accomplishment for me in the last few months. There are things I planned on doing for years, changes I wanted to make that just got pushed back and pushed back, and now, suddenly, they might be the only option and I'm so looking forward to them, I cannot wait for the next few weeks to unfold.

In the meantime, I have a wonderful baby boy who is growing bigger every day. I wonder if babies show their personalities this early because I think mine is. Though he is generally a very happy baby, smiling and laughing with everyone, he also seems to already be stubborn and set in some of his ways (like his mom). He also complains loudly if things are not done the way he likes them. :D And also like me, he loves to "talk" all the time! :D (Not so good at 3am but what can you do!)

I was in such a good mood yesterday, that I even baked! I made a pineapple and carrot cake from scratch. I love making things from scratch and not from boxes, though time doesn't always lend itself to that. I actually first put all the ingredients out like in the cooking shows. I felt all professional too! jajaja!

And this is how the cake came out:

I am actually quite proud of it. It's been a while since I baked a cake. :D

So, today, still feeling positive, still working on my projects, still looking forward and anxiously awaiting the outcome of the next few weeks!

Mornings

I hear the birds chirping outside and sometimes, with the winter breezes, the leaves on the trees dancing all around. That is, if my neighbor doesn't decide to serenade us with extra-loud bachata from his car speakers at 7am, or if the countless vendors who drive, ride their carts, bikes, or walk by don't startle us with their sales pitch.

I love it when it's quiet, the baby is sleeping with his daddy, and I feel, just for a moment, all alone with my thoughts. I can sit, drink some tea, and dream about and plan all the things I'm going to get done today (which I never get to in the end.) The rest of the day flies by in a blur, and rarely do all of my plans get fulfilled, but at the beginning of the morning, very early, I can still believe. Today, I am making list of things that range from taking the baby to the doctor (must get done), to organizing some things around the house (might get done) to exercising (should get done, for both my personal and mental health) to actually working on at least one personal project (probably will have to be pushed back a day or two-but you never know. Though, maybe it doesn't since I think writing on this blog counts as part of my personal projects).

Mornings are when my ideas are flowing, for stories, for projects, for life. It used to be late, late night. That was my best working time, but somehow, it has all changed. I'm not sure when that happened, but it did. I've decided to keep an idea/thoughts/feelings/reflection journal. All together, because I've tried keeping them separate and gave up on all of them. I always imagine my journal to be full of not only writing, but sketches, fotos, colors, but somehow, I always give up on them. I think my last full journal was in college and that seems so many lives away. I think sometimes the idea of this journal appeals to me because maybe I can get back, fully, what I felt when I was still in college, like life was moving slowly and deliciously and I had all possibilities open to me. Sometimes I still think that, but maybe not deep enough, and I guess I want to feel it all again, especially now that I get to live life along with my baby boy.

Strange Days...

Last night, we ran out of cooking gas. My husband put the tank in our trunk and went to buy some, only to find that there was no cooking gas for sale anywhere! Supposedly, some cooking gas would come into the country at 3am so there would be none for sale until later this afternoon (ah, the joys of living in a third-world country!). So, this morning, when I woke up to no cooking gas, I had to figure out a way to creatively cook--and so the electric rice cooker became the answer. Now, the electric rice cooker is a lot more useful than I thought. You can cook rice, of course, but you can boil water for tea, boil eggs, cook pasta, veggies, etc. You can actually make a whole meal in this one pot! I already knew this before I tried it because one of my friends here had to spend a few days cooking all her meals in a rice cooker and she had gotten creative with it. But I have to say that it has saved the day!

In the meantime, the baby was tired, fighting sleep and crying on and off (that soft "ay, ay, ay" crying that little 2-month old babies often do). After trying to entertain him with music, his mobile, a walk around the backyard to take some sun, and just plain cooing to him, into the swing he went and voila! he was asleep in a few minutes. No more whimpering, no more "ay, ay, ay" complaint-crying that makes mommy feel bad and inexperienced and guilty for not solving baby's problem instantly.

So, I stole a few minutes on the laptop to begin typing this, as my iron warmed up so I could iron all of the baby clothes I washed yesterday. Since I don't have a dryer, all of baby's things have to be ironed after they dry. I used to hate ironing. Wouldn't do it for anything, ever. But strangely enough, I have come to enjoy ironing the baby's things. Not because ironing is a fun activity, but because I seem to lose myself in my thoughts during the time I'm ironing. It is completely like meditating for me. I have to do it when the baby is either sleeping or happily lying in his bassinet, watching me, watching the world.

I am getting really good at looking for creative solutions for little problems and using up moments of time, instead of large blocks of time. Now, if I could only convince the baby to stay still long enough in the sling or the wrap to sit down and work on creative writing...I guess that's the next challenge.